Acting like an Adult(tress)

A constant hobby and pleasant distraction, Online dating affords me new people to meet and chat to. A fun and safe way in which to practice the art of charming women, and most important of all, gives me people to chat to via IM when I’m bored at work.

I did my usual trick on the dating site, firing off a large mass of emails, and waited to see who would reply. one reply, was this:

Hey there

Thanks for the email, very flattering, well I guess there’s no harm in just chatting right?

Jill

[Jill's MSN contact details]

This struck me as a bit odd, so I decided to take a closer look at her profile, I found two things of interest, number one, Jill was married, number two, Jill had kids. Now the second one did’nt bug me. I’ve chatted with single mom’s before, and had some very pleasant experiences with them.

The married part was a first though, what on earth was married woman doing on a dating site? then I saw she was looking for friends/penpals only. Ok I thought, not a problem, it might be kind of fun to get to know a married woman, Hell I might learn something. So I added her to MSN, and sent her my details, sure enough, half an hour later we were chatting.

The chat was fairly standard, until we got to the more serious “Getting to know you” stuff, what transpired was as follows:

Sheppard: So how long have you been married?
Jill: four years, but it looks like that might be ending
Sheppard: Oh I’m sorry to hear that (ok I get it, she’s looking at a divorce, and considering her options, seeing whats out there, THATS why shes on a dating site)
Jill: It’s Ok, how about you? ever been married?
Sheppard: No, fraid not,
Jill: What about the dating site, have you met anyone special on there? in real life I mean?
Sheppard: A couple, nothing that lasted though. you?
Jill: I’ve met two, the one guy couldn’t understand why I wanted to meet him if I was married, the other one… we had something.

Now at this point a vague warning bell goes off in my head. So I politely try and get more out of her.

Sheppard: Something?
Jill: yes something.
Sheppard: Lol, ok I won’t pry (Damn! I want to pry, but don’t want to come off as a nosy asshole)
Jill: Yeah, was supposed to see him on Friday, but he bailed on me, and yelled at me the next day.

It’s become apparent to me at this point, that this guy was obviously more than a friend, she went on quite a bit about him being mad at her, and she was quite worried he wasn’t going to talk to her again, much more so than she should have been if he was just an online buddy she’d taken to coffee

Sheppard: So I take it this is the reason your marriage is in trouble?
Jill: Oh no, thats been going on for years… (Well at least she’s being honest)
Jill: My husband does’nt know about the other guys (Did she just pluralize that!?!?)
Sheppard: (pause) Oh Ok… (At this point I’m kinda at a loss, I think I’m being groomed as a replacement suitor for the drunken yeller, which I have no desire to be.)

Jill goes on to tell me about her little girl, and what she likes to do with her free time, she discovers our workplaces are relatively close, and thinks we should have coffee sometime. Throughout the whole conversation I’m just amazed, This woman was calmly and calculatingly sizing me up as a potential fuck buddy on the side. possibly it became clear, in addition to drunken yelling guy. I would have ended the conversation. but I was so fascinated by this woman, this cold, self centered …sociopath, I wanted to see what she’d say next. At no point did she ask me if I was ok with any of this, try and justify that her husband was an asshole, it was all about her. Judging from her picture, she was drop dead gorgeous and used to having men fawn all over her.

I ended the conversation and sat back, realizing how angry I was, Having cheated on, and been cheated on, I find it one of the most despicable things a person can do to someone they claim they care about. I did it very early on in my romantic career, and felt so guilty I told my then girlfriend almost immediately. more recently, a girl I was deeply in love with, cheated on me in an attempt to make me dump her so she could walk away guilt free(does anyone else see the logic issue there?) and when I forgave her, she was forced to dump me in addition to said infidelity, seriously scarring me with trust issues for the rest of my life.

Now these are relationships I’m talking about, not marriages, I’m not a religious person, but as far as I’m concerned Marriage is sacred ground. People tend to think they get married because their partner is the only one they’ll ever want. Not true, not in the least, Marriage is a commitment to stay faithful to each other despite being attracted to other people. I understand that if a marriage is in trouble, that staying committed is more difficult, but then have the courage to end it instead of making it worse by adding infidelity to the list of charges. If this woman had fallen in love with someone through the course of natural day to day events, I could understand it better, but she didn’t. she sought out a potential lover online, and followed through with it. While at no point that I could discern, even consider leaving her husband, I suspect yelling guy figured this out as well, he got played. Hence the drunken yelling.

So my new search filter now includes married women. and my faith in humanity is just a little less for that.

~ by Sheppard on March 21, 2007.